Out of tune

My guitar is a beautiful thing.  I’ve had it for so long, it holds so much of me in it.  I bought it from a guy in my old high school band but it needed repairs.   I took a chance and fixed it.  That was twenty-six years ago.   Over the years it’s been out of tune, needed new strings, but it has always once in tune, had the most beautiful sound.

Marriages can become like an out of tune guitar.  Lately there has been so much going on in our house.  I recently got a new part-time job that I love.  I still work from home as a pampered chef consultant and I also work at home blogging.  We have four kids to take care of,  my husband also works two jobs.  Crazy right?

When couples become disconnected it’s not a pretty thing.  I know a lot of people who take vacations from their kids to reconnect.  I don’t judge those of you who do take your getaways, to each their own.  I feel for me it’s just not something I want to do at this point.  Our kids are still young.  My network of support to take care of my four kids if we ever wanted to take some time away is very slim.

My husband and I often connect well when things are not as hectic as they are now.  We are usually in the same room, usually cuddled up together watching our favourite show, or catching the latest movie.  Even when I am writing, we are not that far apart.  A comfortable silence between us, threading us together even though our minds are in separate places.  It’s wonderful.

Except lately, trying to have a date night together when our kids are in bed has been impossible.  We have the best intention of watching a movie, and then a few minutes in, I hear snoring.  So we try again the next night, the same thing happens except this time it’s me.  We are like apple products to iTunes.  Out of sync.  A date night  gone wrong.  Think Steve Carrell and Tina Fey people.  Yep.  So how did we get here?

I don’t blame my poor man, I’m tired too.  I just don’t want this to become such a habit that this becomes how we are.  I am not afraid to admit sex is very important in a marriage or partnership.   How the relationship between couples and sex evolves is very interesting  Ours has had ups and downs.  Of course in the beginning it was often, then our babies came along and we found ourselves drifting further apart in the bedroom as fatigue and late nights set in.

I remember when we were first married someone told us the fireworks and fourth of July would end.  That we wouldn’t still feel the same passion for each other.  I think that person was so wrong and perhaps what she meant to say that the baby years are hard, marriage in itself is hard.  It takes work and dedication.  We ourselves change, we learn, we grow, sometimes we grow ahead of each other.  Which is frustrating, but a valuable lesson.

I’ve learned it’s okay to change.  I changed a lot when I became a mom.  I also changed a lot when I lost my mom.   My husband for a long time suffered from what I like to call Peter Pan syndrome.  I was growing up and he wasn’t.  My valuable lesson was to learn to wait for him to catch up.  I am so happy I did.

I am also happy to say that there are still fireworks.  There are still sparks.  I love that we are like the embers of a fire that have that slow burn, where the heat stays even and warm.  So now we just have to catch up on our sleep so we can get back to that nice, warm place.  I am not just talking about sex though.  Sex is part of being connected but it’s more than that.

Igor Stravinsky wrote ” Harpists spend 90 percent of their lives tuning their harps and 10 percent playing out of tune.”

Imagine how beautiful our relationships with our loved ones would be if we applied the same strategy?  We’d all be making some mighty fine music together.

♫♫♫

As for us, I’m sure we’ll be mighty fine too.  After some much needed rest.  Then we may need more rest. 

Stay Positive and Pampered

Patty

Xoxo